I love this, Peta! As a woman born in the late 1950s when the great majority of women on TV were portrayed as homemakers, and then having had three babies from 1988-1991 and being a stay at home mom, I have seen many shifts in how motherhood, fatherhood, and “providers“ are perceived, and unfortunately criticized. When I was a little girl, many stay-at-home moms were selling Avon, Tupperware, and Mary Kay cosmetics to earn income through having at-home get-togethers. The only difference I see from that to today, is that with the advancement of technology and social media, we have no idea what business is going to take off and grow exponentially and that may mean that the woman/wife/homemaker ends up making more than her husband. As long as a husband and wife are working as a team to provide for their children, and be there physically for them, why does it matter who’s bringing in how much? The important thing is preserving the family as a family unit. In my family, because I grew up without a father I learned to be very capable at making and fixing things and I have managed all of our renovation projects over the last 40 years. My husband has his own successful real estate investment and banking business, but does all of the cooking because he loves it. I was the stay at home mom but much more capable of fixing things so it would not be unusual for my husband to be standing in the kitchen in his apron and say something like “Honey the water pressure in the kitchen tap isn’t great. Can you have a look at it please?” As long as the children are loved and nourished, and you create a wonderful home, let the tasks fall where they may to who enjoys them and who is good at them.
Needed this. As someone who “fell into” a remote career working 25-30 hours making 6 figures, I’ve felt guilty hiring an in home nanny on the days my husband is on shift (firefighter/medic).
I toss around the idea of “retiring” as I expect another child, but it’s allowed me to an available/flexible mother and provide for my family in a way I’d never choose to if I was forced to be in an office working strict hours. So, I’m always torn between what’s me serving my family financially vs what’s serving us spiritually.
Prayer and discernment 🙏🏽 some times too we are in a good rhythm, everyone is thriving and we are still too hard on ourselves as mothers. You will know ❤️❤️ listen to God’s voice inside and not anyone on social media. Xx
The third child is the gateway to the fourth. Speaking from experience 😉. My baby just turned 2 a month ago. Children are such an incredible joy and blessing and I see that the more children God blesses us with.
Can confirm that moms with more than 4 kids are the most chill. Sadly I don't have that many, but I know many, many families at our church with 4-7 kids. I feel like the best advice is to have at least one more than you can afford. And then have another.
My midwife said there used to be a saying back in the day— 80c babies. The cost of a few cloth nappies. We all know life has changed but I loved how back then, 3 kids would share a room no worries. I ended up sleeping in our garage once I didn’t wanna share a room with my siblings 😂
Feel this to my core. Currently what my little family learning to navigate and embrace. And boy is there peace, joy and laughter in the home when I have to space to operate in my God given design, as does my husband. AND I get to create ontop of that? Dreamy (with a few kinks, but still dreamy!)
I’ve definitely lived this! From 2020-2022 my coaching business hit the multiple 6 figure mark annually, my husband quit his job, and we traveled full-time in our RV around the US. It was lovely and wonderful…until it wasn’t. I didn’t really believe that men and women have separate roles and I thought we could interchange. It didn’t work, even as open-minded as we were about the whole thing.
The truth is that my husband (and many husbands of my high-earning online biz mama friends have shared) have a hard time not providing in a dynamic, financial way. There is something biological about going out and hunting for the family that is missed when mama is the provider and daddy is there as support.
Ultimately, it didn’t work for us and even the big bucks (and promise of a 7 figure business being right around the corner) wasn’t enough to keep pushing this direction.
I have lots to say on this topic (that perhaps I’ll share in later posts.) I don’t mean to discourage any mothers who dream of this. I’ve just been to the other side of this and it’s not what I thought it would be.
Yeh I can imagine - I’ve seen it be very damaging many times. But I’ve also seen it flourish. I’m just offering some words to the conservative mums who are resisting a new shape if God is calling them to it. Personally, my husband is the breadwinner and we like it that way. But I also know many families who work around the mummas biz and the man is still Very much leading.
Also I have written about exactly ^^ this last year in a piece about biological living- what I witnessed as a high earner in NWM a decade ago so I totally hear you.
But for example, I have a friend who has a homeopathy empire (truly). She is the most soft, nurturing woman. Her husband tends the land, the physical labour, also a lot of their boys activities (biologically, boys need their dad around a lot more after the age of 6)…. He does the ‘hunting’ you speak of that is biological. When I witness them— they are very much in their biological roles.
I have also seen men who can financially provide but can’t provide any skills for protection or provision at home- eg. They have a white collar job, but if apocalypse happened, the wife would probably have more real life survival skills.
Whereas I think of my friends whose husbands work the land and build the home— yes her business is popping off, but he is very much the one who has the skills for the families survival.
This is what I mean by it’s not just the money . I share these observations as someone whose husband is absolutely the provider, and as a woman who had an 8 fig business too.
I have been very dogmatic in my thinking in this area… once I started having more conservative values and also studying formally the biologically diffs between men and women— but then I see real life examples of families who are absolutely thriving in their biological roles even if the woman’s business is earning…. And that evidence is what inspired me to write this piece.
Sure, it can be a total flop for some families. But it can be a total blessing too. Xxxx
I love this, Peta! As a woman born in the late 1950s when the great majority of women on TV were portrayed as homemakers, and then having had three babies from 1988-1991 and being a stay at home mom, I have seen many shifts in how motherhood, fatherhood, and “providers“ are perceived, and unfortunately criticized. When I was a little girl, many stay-at-home moms were selling Avon, Tupperware, and Mary Kay cosmetics to earn income through having at-home get-togethers. The only difference I see from that to today, is that with the advancement of technology and social media, we have no idea what business is going to take off and grow exponentially and that may mean that the woman/wife/homemaker ends up making more than her husband. As long as a husband and wife are working as a team to provide for their children, and be there physically for them, why does it matter who’s bringing in how much? The important thing is preserving the family as a family unit. In my family, because I grew up without a father I learned to be very capable at making and fixing things and I have managed all of our renovation projects over the last 40 years. My husband has his own successful real estate investment and banking business, but does all of the cooking because he loves it. I was the stay at home mom but much more capable of fixing things so it would not be unusual for my husband to be standing in the kitchen in his apron and say something like “Honey the water pressure in the kitchen tap isn’t great. Can you have a look at it please?” As long as the children are loved and nourished, and you create a wonderful home, let the tasks fall where they may to who enjoys them and who is good at them.
Needed this. As someone who “fell into” a remote career working 25-30 hours making 6 figures, I’ve felt guilty hiring an in home nanny on the days my husband is on shift (firefighter/medic).
I toss around the idea of “retiring” as I expect another child, but it’s allowed me to an available/flexible mother and provide for my family in a way I’d never choose to if I was forced to be in an office working strict hours. So, I’m always torn between what’s me serving my family financially vs what’s serving us spiritually.
Prayer and discernment 🙏🏽 some times too we are in a good rhythm, everyone is thriving and we are still too hard on ourselves as mothers. You will know ❤️❤️ listen to God’s voice inside and not anyone on social media. Xx
The third child is the gateway to the fourth. Speaking from experience 😉. My baby just turned 2 a month ago. Children are such an incredible joy and blessing and I see that the more children God blesses us with.
Can confirm that moms with more than 4 kids are the most chill. Sadly I don't have that many, but I know many, many families at our church with 4-7 kids. I feel like the best advice is to have at least one more than you can afford. And then have another.
My midwife said there used to be a saying back in the day— 80c babies. The cost of a few cloth nappies. We all know life has changed but I loved how back then, 3 kids would share a room no worries. I ended up sleeping in our garage once I didn’t wanna share a room with my siblings 😂
Feel this to my core. Currently what my little family learning to navigate and embrace. And boy is there peace, joy and laughter in the home when I have to space to operate in my God given design, as does my husband. AND I get to create ontop of that? Dreamy (with a few kinks, but still dreamy!)
So dreamy xx
I’ve definitely lived this! From 2020-2022 my coaching business hit the multiple 6 figure mark annually, my husband quit his job, and we traveled full-time in our RV around the US. It was lovely and wonderful…until it wasn’t. I didn’t really believe that men and women have separate roles and I thought we could interchange. It didn’t work, even as open-minded as we were about the whole thing.
The truth is that my husband (and many husbands of my high-earning online biz mama friends have shared) have a hard time not providing in a dynamic, financial way. There is something biological about going out and hunting for the family that is missed when mama is the provider and daddy is there as support.
Ultimately, it didn’t work for us and even the big bucks (and promise of a 7 figure business being right around the corner) wasn’t enough to keep pushing this direction.
I have lots to say on this topic (that perhaps I’ll share in later posts.) I don’t mean to discourage any mothers who dream of this. I’ve just been to the other side of this and it’s not what I thought it would be.
Yeh I can imagine - I’ve seen it be very damaging many times. But I’ve also seen it flourish. I’m just offering some words to the conservative mums who are resisting a new shape if God is calling them to it. Personally, my husband is the breadwinner and we like it that way. But I also know many families who work around the mummas biz and the man is still Very much leading.
Also I have written about exactly ^^ this last year in a piece about biological living- what I witnessed as a high earner in NWM a decade ago so I totally hear you.
But for example, I have a friend who has a homeopathy empire (truly). She is the most soft, nurturing woman. Her husband tends the land, the physical labour, also a lot of their boys activities (biologically, boys need their dad around a lot more after the age of 6)…. He does the ‘hunting’ you speak of that is biological. When I witness them— they are very much in their biological roles.
I have also seen men who can financially provide but can’t provide any skills for protection or provision at home- eg. They have a white collar job, but if apocalypse happened, the wife would probably have more real life survival skills.
Whereas I think of my friends whose husbands work the land and build the home— yes her business is popping off, but he is very much the one who has the skills for the families survival.
This is what I mean by it’s not just the money . I share these observations as someone whose husband is absolutely the provider, and as a woman who had an 8 fig business too.
I have been very dogmatic in my thinking in this area… once I started having more conservative values and also studying formally the biologically diffs between men and women— but then I see real life examples of families who are absolutely thriving in their biological roles even if the woman’s business is earning…. And that evidence is what inspired me to write this piece.
Sure, it can be a total flop for some families. But it can be a total blessing too. Xxxx