Married ten years today 🥹

An ode to my husband and a few things about marriage. X

We were 5 months into our marriage. October 2016.

Erik was attending a leadership event at The Montage Laguna Beach and we were sat at dinner with the other attendees and their wives.

One of the guys— a direct competitor for Erik’s company who happened to also be insufferably arrogant asked us “How long have you been married?”

“5 months!” We said excitedly.

“If you don’t mind, can I ask your secrets for making it last so long?”

Nobody laughed. Sorry, but you’ve gotta be way funnier if you’re gonna make me laugh— you won’t even get a fake laugh out of me for recycled conference guy jokes.

We didn’t know it at the time, but we were actually pregnant with our first child, Sol. So I would have had pregnancy hormones making me even less tolerant of pompous guys and shitty jokes.

I completely forgot about that day until this morning— the day before our ten year wedding anniversary.

I wouldn’t have had any secrets to share about marriage in those first few months, of course. I wouldn’t even have dared share any marriage wisdom in the first 5, or 7 years.

It’s only now, 10 years in, that I feel I am just beginning to understand the true depth, beauty and meaning of the covenant of marriage. It is one of those things you have to really live, for long enough, to grasp.

My mum has always said how much she loves seeing old people walk down the street holding hands, still, after all these years. I get it now. A marriage that lasts through all of life’s events, all of our many personal evolutions— it is beautiful. And it was earned.

A few years ago, someone said to me: “When you get married, you start at the bottom, not at the top.”

This is one of the most accurate things I’ve ever been told about marriage.

It’s easy to think that when we get married, we start at the top— we’re in love, young, haven’t had children yet, and our capacity for ourselves and each other is high.

But looking back at our ten years— I see two young people, 27 and 29, who despite being happy, healthy, wealthy and incredibly blessed… truly were starting at the bottom.

We were still to build our family.
We were still to figure out life with an international family from opposite corners of the globe.
We were still to learn what it means to truly put our own family first.
We were still to endure trials and challenges.
We were still to grow up as adults.
We were still to live in four countries.
We were still to have 10 years of broken sleep.
We were still to have visits to the ER.
We were still to endure massive career pivots, challenging family dynamics and even… a very hard temporary separation.

We started at the bottom, and three incredibly healthy, beautiful children later— we are here.

It makes me teary.

Me? Married for ten years?

It is the achievement of my life.

8 figures? Piece of cake.
Publishing books? Easy.
Speaking on big stages? So what?
Investing like a boss? Big deal.

But enduring intimacy? As a girl who became hyper independent at the youngest and tenderest age?

My marriage and my family are the greatest blessings of my life. God couldn’t have done any better for me.

When I was little, I never dreamed of getting married. My mum and dad separated when I was 4. My brother and I always used to joke that it was ‘just a piece of paper’— jaded young kids.

My nanna was never married. The father of my mum— an Olympic Greek wrestler— left once he knew she was pregnant.

Neither my mum nor my nanna ever re-partnered.

My great grandparents were married 70 years but my mum always adds: ‘not happily though.’ They lost an adult child after World War 2 and my great nanna became an alcoholic.

I didn’t have a blueprint for marriage.

But I did have a blueprint for loyalty, integrity, and unconditional love.

---

Let me honour my husband Erik.

The best decision I ever made as a woman was marrying Erik. I was young, but luckily the wisest part of me knew.

The best decision I ever made as a mother was marrying Erik. My children have the most present, loving, kind, patient dad.

He hasn’t had his own bed in 9 years— hopping between beds at night, laying with our kids until they are fully eye-twitching asleep. Up first thing, letting me get an extra hour, making breakfasts— including all of their very different and specific requests.

He invites them into his passions— namely golf— gently, no pressure. He teaches them with wisdom, never pushing too hard, always making it fun, always making sure they respect it.

Respect. Erik is so big on respect. He speaks to everyone kindly. He is the most humble person you’ll ever meet. When he was leading his family’s almost-billion-dollar-a-year company back in the day, people would ask what he did for work. He would answer: ‘Oh, I work for Isagenix.’

Never did he say ‘I own it.’

Ever.

He always has the mentality of starting at the bottom. Always the hardest worker. Most disciplined and devoted to any pursuit.

When he moved on from that chapter and returned to his first love— golf— he said: ‘It’s so good to just be able to say I’m a golf coach.’

He never wanted the limelight, but he could sure handle it. A true statesman.

My Aussie guy friends would always tell him he made them look bad with his chivalry. He still opens the door for me on our dates.

Erik is the most generous person I know. Not just financially— in every way. Even when exhausted, he is always looking for ways to be there for us. Making me a coffee. Taking the kids to the park. Playing catch in the backyard.

He stays calm when they are emotional. When I am emotional.

I know many say their husband has the patience of a saint— quadruple that, times it by a gazillion. That is my husband.

Every Mother’s Day he makes me a video montage— every year without fail. He writes the longest cards— never a short card guy. He sits down, takes his time, writes neatly, and writes so deeply from his heart you feel it.

He listens. He takes time to process. He is always willing to learn and grow.

I love novelty, curiosity and growth— I also love home immensely and would die for the people I love. One of the greatest gifts I give Erik is this— he does things he wouldn’t usually do, and he is eternally entertained.

Erik loves sturdiness and commitment. One of the greatest gifts he gives me is that he is sturdy. I still, to this day, expect that I will be too much for him. Still the four-year-old in me wondering if I am faulty or broken.

When Erik stands sturdy— through a premenstrual meltdown or a low place, a season of being reborn— I am still floored that he is right there.

I am still, after ten years, getting used to being loved by a man who is always right there. Sturdy. Never wavering. Loving me in all of my range.

We’ve done different forms of counselling and therapy, and most importantly we have ensured God is in our home— the values, the way of Jesus at the centre. Not religiously, but as the compass for our family.

Neither of us are perfect and we have hit hard times. At our hardest, we realised that a marriage requires God in the centre— that the covenant of marriage is not governmental but spiritual.

I also deeply value the covenant of marriage when it is honoured by both sides— both willing to grow, to sacrifice, to take responsibility for their own aliveness and integrity, and to constantly meet again, anew.

---

What I’ll offer instead of a tidy list:

— Marry someone with outstanding personal integrity. It matters in every phase of life and is harder to learn.

— You will have a hundred marriages inside one. Every few years, we are so very new. We have to be able to not only meet our partner as they grow and evolve but to encourage it.

— You truly do start at the bottom. That is the zero point— then the real work, building and life begin. Some see marriage as starting on a high note then slowly dwindling. NO. Decide to become more vital, and stronger as a team every year.

— Constantly revisit your family values and ensure your life is built around them. This seems very basic but it clarifies everything, especially when hard decisions need to be made.

— Be very careful who you let inside your ears. There are people who don’t value marriage, and who will want to project their own ideas and failures onto you if you allow. Be mindful of this.

— Learn to communicate with the opposite sex. Learn the differences between men and women. Continue to learn each other. Couples counselling isn’t just for when you’re stuck— sometimes it’s just to grow closer and make things so much better.

— Take responsibility for your side of the bed. If you’re always focused on where the other is falling short, make sure your side is tidy first.

— Put your family first. You have created a new family and you have to honour its needs and its dreams— while still having a thriving, respectful relationship with families of origin.

— Understand the seasons. My husband always says to me during the hard ones: ‘We are on the same team.’

Every time it makes me think: Omg, you are on my team. I don’t need to do everything on my own anymore.

— Pray for your husband/wife. Pray for their health, their vitality, their joy, their success, their peace. Be generous in your wishes for them. This is SO under rated. Praying for them at night will change your heart. Be bold in the wonderful things you wish for your spouse.

---

I wanted to write our story too— but that needs its own post. If I write it here, I’ll rush it.

I just wanted to write something today to honour my husband, celebrate ten years, and look back on what have been the most rewarding, growth-filled years of my life.

We have three amazing, healthy, gorgeous children. We have lived all over the world— and we’re not done. We have given enormously to people we care about and lived lives of quiet integrity that I am proud of.

Our next phase is very exciting. We have devoted the last decade to living a family first life— being present parents first and foremost— that won’t ever change. Now, as our kids grow, we’re dreaming again.

I bring the adventure and excitement and Erik brings the logic and commitment. ;)

Happy anniversary to my amazing husband.

Thank you to everyone who has loved and supported us over these years.

Thank you God.

Fun fact:

We were married in Maui. We had about 50 guests. We had a week long celebrations with our loved ones from around the world.

We did not see the venue until the day before the wedding and I was a very chill bride.

We had family style food, including burger and chip stands so that when we had our photos, everyone was eating and drinking already (please do not leave your guests without food and drinks after your ceremony!).

We had a Hawaiian celebrant and evolved our vows from those in ‘conversations with God’ and then we wrote our own.

That was literally the last time I drank. We were pregnant a few months after this and have been pregnant or breastfeeding since! HALLELUJIAH!!

XXx