I’m a better mum without Instagram.

Taking back our minds, our days, our peace.

I’m premenstrual and in the mood to bag Instagram out. Hop in.

I’m also feeling a whole new level of disillusionment with the ‘thought leader’ industry (and I was already over it before). The first part of this piece contains the caption: Felt sassy, might delete later.

Right before I deleted Instagram from my phone for the 47th time last week, I posted a reel with a message that I still believe is half true:

We say we are disillusioned with social media, but really we are disillusioned with ourselves, our inability to tell the truth, and the way we’ve let social media grate on the integrity of our message, diluting it to something so unfulfilling to deliver.

In other words, it’s not the algorithm we hate, it’s how vague we’ve become. We’re so careful not to step on toes, be on the receiving end of a political pile on, or lose real life friends by saying something a little spicy.

It’s true, but what’s also true, is that we hate social media because it trains people to be rewarded for shitty behaviours— others, and also us.

Last week, I watched a very big ‘personal development’ guy, share words on money on a podcast interview that were quite literally plucked from my first book, Earth Is Hiring. His delivery of it was so disingenuous and I could not for the life of me fathom how anyone with any teeny bit of BS detector could not see the this guy is a fraud.

How are people eating out of this guys hand? Guys, do you need to borrow my nose?!

He’s not the only one though— all the ‘top dogs’ are. I originally named names in this post but in the interest of preserving my peace, I scrubbed them. Sorry! I know we all love a little drama.

I have even watched people I know, get so caught up in trying to get ‘big’, and behave with such performative, pseudo generosity when really they are social climbers— they keep powerful people close.

People regurgitate content, steal it, and despite being in the industry of ‘transformation’, quite literally all they want to do is sound good, sound wise, and make their never ending healing an exhibition.

Idolatry.

Self indulgence.

Self obsession.

The podcast and self development industries are full of people who don’t give a shit about people at all. They want numbers. They want fame. They want status.

DISCLAIMER: NOT ALL OF THEM OK?! MANY ARE GENUINE AND GOOD!! WE KNOW THIS!

It’s obvious. It’s so obvious that I can’t fathom how people can’t smell it. It’s conscious Hollywood, only it’s not conscious.

They’re leading people round and round in circles, creating guru complexes, and seeking success for themselves that never ends in fulfilment— in either them or their followers.

I tapped out from that industry a long time ago. I couldn’t play the game. I refused to be part of a scene. I have a physical reaction to it and I know too many people who are telling a story online that is total bullshit compared to the truth of their lives.

Teachers who talk about money and are super stingy (I have personal experience with many of these!!! Such poor integrity with money and still teaching on it!).

Men who talk about relationships who’ve cheated on their wives.

Women who talk about health who starve themselves.

People have been trained to perform.
People have been trained to pretend.

People have been trained to exalt themselves as the only apparent pathway to success.

I mean think about it— If you had on your Instagram bio: “Just a lady figuring business and life out”, it’s not quite as compelling as the bio where we have to throne ourselves above all others:

“I am literally the goddess of business and I have queen codes.”

“#1 world leading expert in…..”

We’ve been told that ‘you have exactly 1 second to grab people when they look at your bio’.

Ugh. Yuck.

We’ve been taught that humility is a killer in business. Instead, you should:

Exalt yourself.

Know your worth.

Pump up your own tyres man, or who will?

Charge $40,000 for an hour of coaching even though you are literally just an everyday person who is far more flawed than you let on but you’ve gotten pretty good at manifestation which, by the way, will work regardless of whether it’s blessed by God or not. There are so many disingenuous people in this arena.

Where has the honesty gone? Where has the humility gone?

I mean, there are little shreds of it shared for marketing purposes, but only for marketing purposes.

Social media, at least on the crazy platforms like IG, have trained people to become insufferable, inauthentic, performers, pretenders, self indulged and not to mention…..

Obsessed with validation and checking their phones.

I have taken long breaks from Instagram over the years— sometimes 3 months, sometimes 9 months. I’ve always been off instagram around the births of my babies. I have deactivated it completely and I have been *this close* to deleting it for good.

I am not in anyway placing myself on a throne above it all. I still have an Instagram account. It’s grown slowly over 14 years to 100,000 followers (seems a lot, but that is very slow over 14 years).

I have had sharp declines in followers particular in times like, ya know, the last US election, or the time where they suggested we need to use the term ‘chest feeding’ instead of Breastfeeding.

I have also a very lovely, loyal following, many of whom have been in my audience for over a decade.

I’ve made genuine friendships via Instagram, I’ve also sold books, events and courses through instagram.

I won’t bag out Instagram as being useless. I’m not an idiot. I know it’s power to transform people’s lives and connect people and I believe that right now, any average Joe can make their way out of financial stress by learning digital skills if they need to. There’s never been more opportunity for the everyday person to get rich.

I am someone who believes we need to take 100% responsibility for our behaviours and that we’re not to play victim when it comes to things like social media.

Don’t like it? Leave.

Don’t like how you’re showing up or playing the game? Play differently.

Do I believe that we need Instagram for successful business? No.

Also, if you want to have an instagram presence and not BE on there yourself, pay someone, or get an intern who needs work experience and have someone post for you. There is always a solution.

I do not believe we need to sell our soul for the success that is true to us. In fact, if we need to sell our soul for success, it isn’t our path. It isn’t the path being laid down for us by God. It’s the path of the snake— deception, false lies, tempting allurements like status and prestige.

We all know that God’s way gives life, and the whispers of the snake bring hollowness, unfulfillment and spiritual death.

I know you can be on social media and have amazing boundaries.

I’ve experienced times in my life where I’ve been great at it.

But in my experience, it doesn’t last long.

Lately I have noticed how much harder it has felt for me to be on Instagram AND have good boundaries.

The sheer volume of information, of political debates, or wellness information, or cultural drama, even of culturally christian content that distracts me from my TRUE spiritual practice….. it has felt paralysing.

I’ve noticed myself reach for my phone more often than I want to.

I’ve noticed myself plunge in patience at home because my mental capacity has been spent on consuming meaningless content that seems oh so important (but isn’t).

When I notice that I allow myself to get caught up in the perils of phone use, I know it’s time to make some changes.

Use of screens that can be classified as ‘sinful’, does not just mean looking at porn or spending a shit load of money. Sinful use of screens can also be chronic distraction, getting caught up in drama, and being constantly lured by ‘the snake’.

I will not give the first and best of me to my phone, OR those living inside of it, when I have a husband and children that have been given to me by God.

I am so fiery about this and I believe all mothers should be.

I said years ago that the tragedy of our generation will be that mothers spent more time on their screens than looking into their children’s eyes, and I stand by it.

I refuse to be a chronically distracted mother, even if it has become the standard.

There is no success important to me like the success of a holy home.

There is no one in my audience who needs me like my husband and children do.

Lately I found myself feeling exhaustingly confused.

Almost like the spirit of confusion had got it’s gross claws and gripped my mind.

Confused about what to eat.

Confused about what I believe with regards to faith.

Confused as to what my message really is.

Confused as to where I want to live.

Confused about my stance on certain issues.

Is it any wonder that the spirit of confusion can so easily grab a hold of us when we are frequenting the place where it lives?

We say we need clarity, meanwhile we are filling our minds with 15793 pieces of information a day and wondering why we are tired, depressed, anxious, lost.

We need to snap out it and take our lives back people, honestly.

I felt confused, and my body showed me this confusion conflict.

So, I did what I know I needed to do. Turn from the snake.

I deleted Instagram.

I deleted every app from my phone that is a dopamine app, including the real estate one, lol.

I even blocked news sites from my browsing because hey, someone in desperate need of a dopamine hit will go even to the scum of mainstream news for a hit.

I cannot even tell you how life giving this week has been for me. It feels like all the others times I have deleted the app, particularly around the times of my babies being born. So pure, so wholesome, so right.

I spiritually deepened and turned correctly towards God, and not other peoples idea of Him.

I didn’t touch the book I’ve been working on this week at all. I let myself take the time to really refine what is burning inside me to say, and decide whether that time is really now, or not.

I felt like I had hours, HOURS more time in the day.

I baked even more, I took more spontaneous walks with one or all kids, I got more creative with home schooling.

I turned towards some pain that I kept shelving, numbing. I took it to God, where it belongs.

I stopped trying to figure out the truths of Orthodoxy and Catholicism and remembered the simple truths of my faith and what I really want more of— Jesus. Loving others. An intimate relationship with God.

I realised how much I am yearning to be with my real community in the countryside again, how much I want to be doing more of my ‘work’ in real life, with real people, and less of it online.

I started a new 1000 piece puzzle with my kids and, gasp, let them finish the borders of it without my perfectionist self wanting to do it quickly and myself (hard. I am a speed puzzler, in case you thought I was cool for a minute).

I cooked new dinners.

I had time to daydream. Time to dilly dally.

There was so much more space for God to speak.

There was this ‘sigh’ I had been looking for in all the books I read, in all the information I devour out of sheer curiosity and hunger for truth, beauty and goodness….

But I didn’t find it by consuming even the richest spiritual books…..

I found it in the quiet and space of my real life.

I found it in ditching my phone.

I found it in turning, once again, wholeheartedly towards what is beautiful, true and good— right in front of me.

The sigh was there. Because the sigh is the breath out that comes from realising where truth really lives, where beauty really lives, where goodness really is, and where rest truly is.

Sure, I am disillusioned with how social media trains good, genuine people to live a performative and disingenuous life. I am disillusioned at how hard it has felt for me to be on there for long periods without feeling nauseous and needing to ditch and run. I have felt frustrated at myself for not being able to find a groove, not know what I want to share with the people on there anymore.

Maybe I was mistaking the fact that my work might just not be for there anymore.

Maybe it is my time to gather the women in real life again.

Maybe the fact Instagram is making me physically nauseous, is because God is thrusting me towards what I know is better.

I’m not saying I’ll delete my account any time soon. I see its value. But gosh, I am so done with it on so many levels. If anything, I want it to be just a sign pointing people towards what is real.

I want to have retreats where real women come wearing normal clothes, and we eat normal food and we talk normal stuff and we just be together with…..

Zero pretending.

Gosh I hate pretending. It is so yuck.

So when I take responsibility (not hard for an eldest daughter, Thank God), I can see it for what it is— either I post there, or I don’t.

I can decide how I’ll use social media as a discerning, grown adult and just like I decided many moons ago that I wouldn’t get caught up in the desperate chase to ‘become a someone’, I have decided over and over and over again that I will not give motherhood up to the temptations of a fast and furious phone life.

I also won’t give up my kids childhood to it either.

I have often thought that many of us have experienced our parents drink alcohol as kids. For some, it was probably very scary, For me, it was mild and not frequent, but still worried me when my mum drank a little much while winding down on the weekends. She was just winding down after a long weekend of sports, hosting kids, and being chairperson of every sporting club, oh and being a single mum of four children. But I can still tell the truth that it worried me.

The reason for this, is when your caregiver is under the influence, as a child you feel very vulnerable. You feel that you can’t reach them.

This is how our children feel when we are in the grips of phone addiction.

We need to call it what it is.

But we all have a choice.

Some reading this will be the type who has an online presence and feels the pressure from the side of ‘needing to show up’.

Others reading this have a small private account but are addicted to the scroll.

I want to remind you regardless, that Instagram and it’s algorithm, and the cultural police mob do not get to take your days, your patience, your life force, your joy, your peace from you, unless you let them.

I also want to remind you that you can have aligned success in your pursuits, in a way that is life giving for yourself and your family— you have to find that way.

Please though, if you have noticed yourself become less patient with your kids, more confused in your mind, and often forgetting that you might just have the life you used to pray for….

Re-examine how you use social media.

Take back your days, your patience, your mind, your peace, and the joy you’ve been mistaking for dopamine.

God has put your work right in front of you, don’t miss it.

Love, PK XX