“This is my moment of being reckless and irresponsible for a minute.”
This is so accurate. I love laying down all those (mental) responsibilities by diving into a bad show. Still, I rarely let myself. Guess that’s cause I care too much about too many things, being the eldest daughter aiming to live out all her mums missed opportunities…
Hey Peta!! I loved this piece so much with your signature humour and humility - I am an only child so initially was reading as an outsider, but after completing the piece and resonating with lots of parts - you showed me an angle I had never seen in myself. And why I love SATC re-runs...(Not that sex and the city is trashy - it's iconic! But the switch off from being responsible for so many things feels so damn good) thanks Peta!!! Love Sarah x
Eldest child/daughter and feeling sooo seen and could never figure out that draw to trashy reality tv! I also grew up with a single mum and eventually I bought her a house. I don’t really know how I did it, it was hard work and dumb luck I think. Buts it’s all I could think about after high school.. anyway, thank you for insights
Eldest daughter here and 100% resonate with this! Nothing I love more than the occasional reality tv experience. My family doesn't get it (and that's okay) but you put it into words so perfectly!
Wow I feel so seen by this piece! I’ve never considered this an ‘eldest’ thing, just thought it was my natural tendency to take on everything for everyone… but it makes so much sense. Xx
Ohhhhh I feel you. Especially about being frustrated your siblings aren’t trying to ease the burden on your mum. I remember that distinctly when my parents separated. And my whole family pays me out about being an avid Kardashians watcher because it’s so wildly out of character for me… but it’s true, it’s a moment where things aren’t serious and I’m not trying to anticipate everyone’s needs before they ask.
Loved reading this. It’s nice to know there’s others that carried the same worries.
Eldest here…… and you nailed it on the head! I have never looked into that……. But whoaaaaa 💡💡💡💡💡!!! Sooooo feeling this !!! Thank you for your words of wisdom! 😘
The Eldest Daughter Syndrome is interesting. As I have always found a strong parallel to how you describe growing up with a father having left when you were young (me too, but with the trauma layer), this really resonates. I feel exactly the same with regards to the responsibilites you describe, but I am according to Kevin Lehman's book Birth Order, an only child because my siblings were ten and fourteen years older than me. I think being girls inherently wired us to look after our Mom's once there were alone. I too became quite good at doing things a Dad or Husband would do, fixing things, organizing, chronic list maker to make sure I didn't miss anything. Checking to make sure my Mom was breathing at night, and terrified at the thought that she might have another heart attack and then I would have no parents at all. I used to watch the trashy shows when my daughter (now 36) was a teenager, but I now lose myself in HGTV or Magnolia network. Aside from the fact that I am an interior designer and do renovations so they are interesting, it is where I can numb out, not think, and stop the looping discursive fretful thoughts that plague my waking hours. I'm not so good at formally meditating, but zoning out to these shows is like brown noise to me. They release the claws that anxiety has on my brain at the end of the day.
I’m with you with the trashy tv thing for the same reasons. Sometimes I just need a break from being responsible and being too in my head. A good laugh and a n emotional reset does well for me as a mom. Knowing that helps me eliminate the guilt of not reading or watching something educational. Haha love is blind, I remember binging that show when I stumbled upon it. I’ve been watching funny videos of my favorite comedians when I need to check out. Like you said they are worse things! I often thing about my rebellious self and what I would do and it typically is something like drink a coke and eat raw brownie batter. 🤣
Thanks for writing! This reminds me of one of the chapters in Aggressively Happy by Joy Marie Clarkson - sounds like your cup of tea if you haven’t read it yet!
“This is my moment of being reckless and irresponsible for a minute.”
This is so accurate. I love laying down all those (mental) responsibilities by diving into a bad show. Still, I rarely let myself. Guess that’s cause I care too much about too many things, being the eldest daughter aiming to live out all her mums missed opportunities…
So much to learn, so many ways to grow. I get it xx
Hey Peta!! I loved this piece so much with your signature humour and humility - I am an only child so initially was reading as an outsider, but after completing the piece and resonating with lots of parts - you showed me an angle I had never seen in myself. And why I love SATC re-runs...(Not that sex and the city is trashy - it's iconic! But the switch off from being responsible for so many things feels so damn good) thanks Peta!!! Love Sarah x
Thank you Sarah! I am yet to get into SATC but agree- not all tv is trash, some of it is pure art. I’ll take some of both :) x
Eldest child/daughter and feeling sooo seen and could never figure out that draw to trashy reality tv! I also grew up with a single mum and eventually I bought her a house. I don’t really know how I did it, it was hard work and dumb luck I think. Buts it’s all I could think about after high school.. anyway, thank you for insights
I get it! Xx
Eldest daughter here and 100% resonate with this! Nothing I love more than the occasional reality tv experience. My family doesn't get it (and that's okay) but you put it into words so perfectly!
Wow I feel so seen by this piece! I’ve never considered this an ‘eldest’ thing, just thought it was my natural tendency to take on everything for everyone… but it makes so much sense. Xx
It’s a club and you are in it , welcome 🤣❤️
Ohhhhh I feel you. Especially about being frustrated your siblings aren’t trying to ease the burden on your mum. I remember that distinctly when my parents separated. And my whole family pays me out about being an avid Kardashians watcher because it’s so wildly out of character for me… but it’s true, it’s a moment where things aren’t serious and I’m not trying to anticipate everyone’s needs before they ask.
Loved reading this. It’s nice to know there’s others that carried the same worries.
Exactly- the mental drain of constantly anticipating
As the eldest of four girls, I deeply appreciate this essay, Peta. Lots, lots, lots sounds painfully familiar.
Eldest here…… and you nailed it on the head! I have never looked into that……. But whoaaaaa 💡💡💡💡💡!!! Sooooo feeling this !!! Thank you for your words of wisdom! 😘
Oldest daughter of 7. I’ve seen every episode of Selling Sunset. Thank you for putting so many of my experiences into words.
Same girl— new season out soon.
The Eldest Daughter Syndrome is interesting. As I have always found a strong parallel to how you describe growing up with a father having left when you were young (me too, but with the trauma layer), this really resonates. I feel exactly the same with regards to the responsibilites you describe, but I am according to Kevin Lehman's book Birth Order, an only child because my siblings were ten and fourteen years older than me. I think being girls inherently wired us to look after our Mom's once there were alone. I too became quite good at doing things a Dad or Husband would do, fixing things, organizing, chronic list maker to make sure I didn't miss anything. Checking to make sure my Mom was breathing at night, and terrified at the thought that she might have another heart attack and then I would have no parents at all. I used to watch the trashy shows when my daughter (now 36) was a teenager, but I now lose myself in HGTV or Magnolia network. Aside from the fact that I am an interior designer and do renovations so they are interesting, it is where I can numb out, not think, and stop the looping discursive fretful thoughts that plague my waking hours. I'm not so good at formally meditating, but zoning out to these shows is like brown noise to me. They release the claws that anxiety has on my brain at the end of the day.
It’s like meditation- exactly! So dumb it’s brown noise! Xx
I’m with you with the trashy tv thing for the same reasons. Sometimes I just need a break from being responsible and being too in my head. A good laugh and a n emotional reset does well for me as a mom. Knowing that helps me eliminate the guilt of not reading or watching something educational. Haha love is blind, I remember binging that show when I stumbled upon it. I’ve been watching funny videos of my favorite comedians when I need to check out. Like you said they are worse things! I often thing about my rebellious self and what I would do and it typically is something like drink a coke and eat raw brownie batter. 🤣
This was such a good read! I totally feel you on the mum front.
Eldest child and grandchild here. Loved reading this. Thank you💞
This is sooooo simple yet soooo eloquent and beautiful I loved reading every word
Eldest of 3 - present and accounted for ... feeling seen ❤️🔥
Thanks for writing! This reminds me of one of the chapters in Aggressively Happy by Joy Marie Clarkson - sounds like your cup of tea if you haven’t read it yet!