The Home Birth Companion (and my famous birth affirmation).

I don’t know about you, but before my first baby was born, the birth affirmations I heard were ones to do with a flowering lotus flower or being strong as an ox. 

I remember being in a pre-natal yoga class before my first birth, standing in a wide squat, being guided to repeat in my mind ‘I’m as strong as an ox’. No offence at all, but it just didn’t do it for me. Visualising myself as an ox wasn’t what got me into that nice birthy state. 

The lotus flower didn’t do it for me either. I could not for the life of me imagine my cervix as a lotus flower. What even was a lotus flower? 

I have had affirmations on the wall for all three of my home births. They have changed over the years, as my faith has. They went from being very ‘I trust nature!’ focused, to ‘thank you God!’ as I shifted my direction of praise. But most fundamental affirmations remained the same. For me, affirmations before birth are a way to speak life giving words out loud so that my baby and my body can hear them. 

Here’s the thing about life giving birth affirmations though— they need to actually resonate with you. They can’t be fluffy, floaty nice sounding things that make you feel artificially spiritual, or that make you feel that you’ll get an A+ in ‘spiritual girl things’. 

God gives us free will for a reason. We are meant to be involved in our births— mentally, spiritually, emotionally, physically. We are not in ultimate control. But we are participating in the greatest act of creation there is. What an extraordinary (and also very… natural) moment to rise to. 

Amongst many other things, I like to include life giving affirmations as part of my birth preparation. On my prayer walks ahead of my most recent birth, my prayers to God were like comedy sets. I would plug my headphones in and walk (waddle) through the forest having a full on yarn with God out loud. The headphones were in so to make it look like a phone call in case someone thought a pregnant lady was walking through the forest talking to herself— trust me, it would’ve looked a bit loony. 

I would say it all out loud to God— what was troubling me, what I felt I couldn’t or shouldn’t say, and what my bold wishes were for my birth. I would tell God about this one super fun affirmation that I have and laugh about it with Him. I would say “I know you’re in charge, but if I’m allowed to put in my requests, I’d love another smooth, short and sweet one.” 

Why would I go to God only with boring stuff? 

Before I go on. I will tell you my super fun birth affirmation now. Actually, I’ll put a photo of it here from my most recent birth. I still have the affirmations on the wall, 8 months later. (Many of them thank God, so it feels nice to leave them up). 

​My first birth was much more 'first birth' styles. It was naturally a little slower than my second two, but still sweet, smooth and relatively quick. My second two were literally HAPPY LUBRICATED SLIPPERY BUB SLIDES. 

*Disclaimer. God is in charge. But we get to participate. 

I think we often forget about the joy of birth. It is big, intense, mysterious, divine and in my experience, most of it is fun too. Until I get to transition, I am typically chatting away with my midwife, laughing about something, telling funny stories. There’s no rush of excitement for me like knowing I am about to meet a new child— a little person I am going to love more than words can explain, for eternity. 

I have become so passionate about birth, and particularly home birth over the years. After three home births, I do not consider myself an expert, but I do have many stories and insights to share. My husband and I were the core donors for the Birth Time documentary, which was created by my birth team, and I am so so stoked to see how it is educating women and also allowing women who’ve been traumatised in birth, to feel seen and heard for their pain and disappointment. 

Whenever I hear women talk about their births, I always let them know they can go deeper if they want to— they can let it all out with me. Tell me sis.

When women come to me before their birth, I am their cheer squad. You can do it sis.

I know firsthand how it feels to have empowering birth experiences and I wish it for every woman. I know women can emerge feeling strong and empowered even if their birth didn’t go how they planned. Life will life, and birth will birth.

But too many mums leave their births feeling deeply let down. Sometimes even abused. Often traumatised. It shouldn’t be as common as it is.

I get asked questions all the time— from big things like ‘how did you prepare mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically? What do contractions feel like? Why don’t you free birth? To more practical things like ‘What are the must haves? Who cleans up?’

In all honesty, I prefer to have conversations about birth in private and in person— because it is so big and tender. It is so easy to be misunderstood when talking about birth. I can’t possibly capture every angle, every consideration, every story.

But I can share my own.

I have compiled my stories, preparation, insights, tales and tips into a 125 page companion.. It’s called ‘The Home Birth Companion’. A raw mumma-to-mumma collection of tender tales and golden nuggets for birthing at home.

I have purposely left it raw and rough— like we’re having a conversation, rather than a big scientific exploration. It is MY account, from me to you.

A few women who are pregnant, or have worked in the birth space read it over the weekend, and this is what they said:

Your ebook is written in such a peaceful and respectful manner, I couldn’t put it down, and read it all at one go. Not only it contains many useful tools, empowering stories, it also beams such love for motherhood and the beauty of it, that I found myself cry a few tears whilst reading it. I particularly loved your stories on positive mindset and your approach to God. It was truly eye opening. I walked away from this ebook feeling inspired, more grounded, and with full trust. Your ebook comes with no judgement and no fear mongering. The layout of the ebook is beautiful and so clear to read, and use. - MG

Read it in one night— couldn’t put it down! - MP

I’m still chipping away at it but WOW!!!!  I already feel a lightness in my body and have drawn so much comfort from your words. I’m about to have my first baby and have chosen to birth at home. I’m surrounded by a very medically driven family on both sides as well as friends, where their beliefs are “hospitals are the safest” and it’s felt like a really difficult topic to address when often people can make you feel like you’re choosing something that would intentional harm myself or my baby.  Your words have helped articulate exactly how I feel. That our body’s are CREATED and DESIGNED to birth safely in the presence of where we feel the most comfortable. I feel a huge exhale at reading your own birth experiences just getting to visualise myself in the same position, knowing that this gets to be me too!  It’s reminded me that I still have time to really anchor into the belief of trusting my body but also knowing that I’m held already and gods plan is already in motion.  I think this is such an incredible tool for anyone wanting to birth at home (or just to normalise the humanness of birth itself, even if it ends up being in a hospital setting)  I adore how casual it is and as you said just like you’re sending a friend a message. I think that really added to the safely of your words. It didn’t feel sterile or heavy like some information can be around this topic, it just read so so “normal” I am so so grateful that you have been generous enough to share your wisdom, I know this is going to make a dramatic difference to cementing my own beliefs and make them make much more certain. So thank you. - KN

Thank you for the honour and privilege of being trusted with your story. I wanted to respond immediately because I know for me when I share something unfiltered & deeply intimate like this I can get an anxiety + vulnerability hangover … just wanted you to know that I’m holding this very gently in both of my hands and in my heart.  I’m  at p66 and it’s nearly midnight I want to keep reading in my speedy way but also want to savour it and also I’ve got to get some sleep … this is wonderful, incandescently and wildly beautiful just the way it is. It’s a testimony to his absolute glory  in designing our female bodies so impeccably, immaculately and perfectly. - SB

It is my birthday on Friday and so releasing this very personal offering is my way of celebrating and giving thanks for all the ways my births shaped me. It is jam packed. You can download it to ‘books’ on your phone, or print it out (maybe hole punch and bind with some nice twine).

I hope you enjoy, and please let me know how you go with it. I called it a companion, because that’s exactly what it is. You, your baby and God are dancing this dance together.

Love, PK XX