Out in the wilds with Jesus is my new home, after a lifetime of church and Christianity.
When *every* system of the world groans under the weight of agendas and coercion and man-made tradition, Jesus - my cosmic brother, sovereign guide, and relentless friend - carves a way through the noisy illusions of this wild simulation, and illuminates a peace that passes all understanding.
Thank you for sharing your story, Peta. It is perfect.
Babe, this might be among my favourite pieces you've ever written.
Reading this, it felt like you took my hand and ran with it through a secret garden of your mind, down winding paths of all the places you wanted to show us. What a gift. I had tears in my eyes reading the heart in this - the innocence and rawness and earnestness.
Isn't it amazing that in sharing your wrestle with God, you reveal MORE of His face to your audience?! Wow.
Peta, your journey and your words capture similarly how my personal relationship as daughter to the Father has been unfolding. I'm so grateful to have come across your wrestlings and field notes on the good walk. I'm a cradle Catholic, who has spent some time exploring other Christian denominations. I have appreciated learning so many practical ways of applying my faith, and a rekindled zeal for evangelization throughout this time.
Thank you for this link, resource. I’ve never heard of these women, podcast and just spent the last two hours diving into their podcast, videos, book recommendations and it’s all amazing. So glad to know of them and all they offer. Thank you!
So many times through that I was not only in tears but felt as though you were giving words to my own experience. I can only imagine it’s same story, different woman for so many out there. Thank you Peta.
Just when I think I’m out here on my own in my thoughts (but also never alone as I can turn to Him, always) you land in my inbox and now, like you said, it’s “wow, I’m really not alone in this’.” Thanks Peta for always sharing the messy middle stuff that so many can relate to.
So life giving and relieving. It was your testimony that led me to truly turn to Jesus after He had been chasing me down for a while. And I find myself now in this similar place, thinking maybe it would be easier if I saw things so black and white, but I can’t. I think you captured how personal our walks with God are, you had me in tears at various points throughout, feeling God was speaking directly to me through you. Thanks for always being courageous enough to say what needs to be said. It blesses me immensely
Loved the realness and honesty of this. Finding God after being an atheist was quite daunting, especially finding a church but actually the right ones are very welcoming, glad to receive you, without judgment. I love how you talk about beauty, truth and goodness. I’m so overwhelmed by beauty and never sure how to incorporate it in a Godly way, but it is so important in how we can feel and connect with Him! I often go on walks and just thank Him for what He created 🙏💚
For some years now, your words have been reaching me in mysterious ways and they are always what I need to hear at the moment. Thank you for being a mentor, even from a distance.
Hi Peta this resonated with me so much. Similar to you I was raised Catholic but now do not necessarily define myself as a “Catholic”. My son was Christened Catholic however at school he takes Anglican Scripture classes. I guess you could say we are a bit all over the place. I am unsure if I want him to take all the Catholic sacraments. I am curious what your plans are with your children? Will you have them take their sacraments? I just don’t necessarily believe we have to. We read the Bible together and go to Church occasionally and that fills us spiritually. But will I regret not having him do Holy Communion?
Thank you for your words Peta, this is also a wrestling that I have been with - on and off for my whole life, coming back to Jesus in 2021. I am grateful God led me to you to help me feel less alone with how it is for me, in faith. Thank you again x
My faith was formed by knowing God, that there is a God, the love and beauty of God, through poems, nature, and unbelievable intelligence of our bodies and all of creation because how do you even begin to explain art and nature without…. God?"
This is so powerful, there's a such strong movement between your words in certain sections. Beauty creates the simple feeling, whereas logic creates the complex analysis. God is intended to be found in beauty because it's more accessible to all who encounter it, and they can uniquely interact with it, just as each person's relationship with God means something unique to them. But equally, it's also ironic in the sense that if faith were logical it would be easy, as you say, in the sense that it would mean the precise same thing to everyone. Where is the magic and mystery in that?
Hey. Unlike many comments sharing they feel like you spoke their inside voices and feelings out, (meaning they’re on a similar time stamp to you) — I always feel five steps behind. I’ve listened to you for years, somehow the IG algorithm shared your profile with mine, and I was hooked. The things you spoke about or knew about, or were doing, is/was always what I am exploring in the now — like you’ve done them and then I start them and your voice is a more experienced one guiding and resonating with my life. I also came up with my publication name “The Coffee Table Diaries” at a very similar time to you changing to PK diaries, which bothered me a bit, as I’m a follower of yours with no followers of my own (haha, hand me the violin darl) — worried someone may think I’d taken your idea — but it’s never a copy — it’s a bizarre coincidence that I’m doing it and then I read you’ve done it — which I find fascinating. Now in regards to this essay specifically!! I can’t say I’m on the same path… this one is perhaps years backward not only five steps… but, God is presenting to me… and I am very bloody open-minded to searching and welcoming and relaxing into the … truth? I don’t know yet. I’m living in Eastern Europe married a gorgeous Romanian man, and was even baptised for this reason at the age of 33 (but during the process, I swore I was a witch and everything felt untrue, most likely I was *not* in a good place and with people with pure intentions/lots of egos and show)… now I’m almost 37, almost with three children, and essays like yours are drawing me in, while simultaneously downloading books about patriarchy and the untold truths of Christianity. Ha! As I said. I have a long way to explore. Sending all my love PETA. You’re a true blue and although I believe we are the same age I do read from admiration and wonder, “How does she always get there first” — the ego comparing — but it’s wonderful and I’d better trot off now because you definitely don’t have time for comments as long as this 🤣Ally xx
Hi Ally!! I don’t know if you’re behind at all… there is no linear path. You will resonate with bits of others journeys but never walk them exactly the same way. You are right beside me but in your own walk. I’m grateful you are here ❤️ also, I love Eastern European people. The directness of the culture feels like home to me as an Aussie xx
Interesting that you love it! Great. I so struggled with the directness and initially quite disliked the people
…but now five years in, I have changed radically and am even direct with my own family (my mother being English) — and they’re a little put off by my new found “let’s leave the BS at the door and talk straight” attitude. But I love being exposed to this very opposing culture. It’s made me realise there are other ways to exist and operate, and us westerners certainly don’t have it all figured out. God brought me here for many, many reasons. Have a lovely week and thanks for your comment and essays. Ally
Thank you Peta. Your words have stirred something deep inside that I can now explore further. My only memories of any sort of religious teachings was a few visits to Sunday school. Since then I have never really though about Jesus's until recently (last 6 months ors so) where I have been questioning "I feel there is something more" than the world I see. I don't know where to start but feel I want to get to know Him and have the presence of Him in my life. Thank you for being so honest and open about your faith, as it has allowed me to be open to exploring my faith for the first time.
I am soooo glad Jacinta 🙏🏽 and thank you for the beautiful words. Start with prayer. Then the New Testament of the Bible. God will put people and words and things to read and watch in your path. Keep in touch with it all ❤️
Peta, this was such a wonderful read. I love your discussion about logic. I was raised a nondenominational Christian but wrestled with my faith and need for the Church (never God) in my 20’s. I found myself looking to the Self Help Movement, New Age teachers, a yoga practice and community and everyone/everything else but The Church. As a mother to two (3&6), we’ve found a Church here in TN that’s been transformational in all of our lives. Our Pastor is an Aussie actually and has a fantastic sense of humor (Church of The City, Franklin TN).
I’ve been curious about your thoughts regarding the many people who are publicly deconstructing (or, distancing themselves from Christ).
Thank you for the beautiful and vulnerable peak into your thoughts.
hi Rebecca! So nice to see you here!! Did you recently move to TN? Why did I think you were in Cali? Love that you’ve found a church home. It’s such a sweet grounding.
Out in the wilds with Jesus is my new home, after a lifetime of church and Christianity.
When *every* system of the world groans under the weight of agendas and coercion and man-made tradition, Jesus - my cosmic brother, sovereign guide, and relentless friend - carves a way through the noisy illusions of this wild simulation, and illuminates a peace that passes all understanding.
Thank you for sharing your story, Peta. It is perfect.
That’s the peace right there!! Thank you Bonnie x
Beautifully written 🌸
Thank you :)
Thankyou Peta - very appreciated xo
❤️ thanks Abbie
Babe, this might be among my favourite pieces you've ever written.
Reading this, it felt like you took my hand and ran with it through a secret garden of your mind, down winding paths of all the places you wanted to show us. What a gift. I had tears in my eyes reading the heart in this - the innocence and rawness and earnestness.
Isn't it amazing that in sharing your wrestle with God, you reveal MORE of His face to your audience?! Wow.
Thank you for bringing him closer.
Love you xo
Peta, your journey and your words capture similarly how my personal relationship as daughter to the Father has been unfolding. I'm so grateful to have come across your wrestlings and field notes on the good walk. I'm a cradle Catholic, who has spent some time exploring other Christian denominations. I have appreciated learning so many practical ways of applying my faith, and a rekindled zeal for evangelization throughout this time.
Solely based off of diving into your writings, I know you would enjoy sitting with these women at their table (by way of their podcast). https://www.abidingtogetherpodcast.com/studies
Blessings to you. Thank you for blessing me with some of your personal journey.
Thank you for this link, resource. I’ve never heard of these women, podcast and just spent the last two hours diving into their podcast, videos, book recommendations and it’s all amazing. So glad to know of them and all they offer. Thank you!
So many times through that I was not only in tears but felt as though you were giving words to my own experience. I can only imagine it’s same story, different woman for so many out there. Thank you Peta.
Oh, I’m so glad Ruby!! Thanks for reading the whole thing too. It shows as a 33 min read! Xx
Here for it too 🔱🔆
Just when I think I’m out here on my own in my thoughts (but also never alone as I can turn to Him, always) you land in my inbox and now, like you said, it’s “wow, I’m really not alone in this’.” Thanks Peta for always sharing the messy middle stuff that so many can relate to.
So life giving and relieving. It was your testimony that led me to truly turn to Jesus after He had been chasing me down for a while. And I find myself now in this similar place, thinking maybe it would be easier if I saw things so black and white, but I can’t. I think you captured how personal our walks with God are, you had me in tears at various points throughout, feeling God was speaking directly to me through you. Thanks for always being courageous enough to say what needs to be said. It blesses me immensely
Hannah 😭 I am so glad. Gosh this is the best outcome that could ever come from sitting down to write. Xx
Loved the realness and honesty of this. Finding God after being an atheist was quite daunting, especially finding a church but actually the right ones are very welcoming, glad to receive you, without judgment. I love how you talk about beauty, truth and goodness. I’m so overwhelmed by beauty and never sure how to incorporate it in a Godly way, but it is so important in how we can feel and connect with Him! I often go on walks and just thank Him for what He created 🙏💚
That’s so beautiful Jenny. Prayer walks are my fav too. I always wear wired headphones so it doesn’t look like I’m talking to myself 🤣
For some years now, your words have been reaching me in mysterious ways and they are always what I need to hear at the moment. Thank you for being a mentor, even from a distance.
Hi Peta this resonated with me so much. Similar to you I was raised Catholic but now do not necessarily define myself as a “Catholic”. My son was Christened Catholic however at school he takes Anglican Scripture classes. I guess you could say we are a bit all over the place. I am unsure if I want him to take all the Catholic sacraments. I am curious what your plans are with your children? Will you have them take their sacraments? I just don’t necessarily believe we have to. We read the Bible together and go to Church occasionally and that fills us spiritually. But will I regret not having him do Holy Communion?
Thank you for your words Peta, this is also a wrestling that I have been with - on and off for my whole life, coming back to Jesus in 2021. I am grateful God led me to you to help me feel less alone with how it is for me, in faith. Thank you again x
"I found God in the beauty, not in the logic.
My faith was formed by knowing God, that there is a God, the love and beauty of God, through poems, nature, and unbelievable intelligence of our bodies and all of creation because how do you even begin to explain art and nature without…. God?"
This is so powerful, there's a such strong movement between your words in certain sections. Beauty creates the simple feeling, whereas logic creates the complex analysis. God is intended to be found in beauty because it's more accessible to all who encounter it, and they can uniquely interact with it, just as each person's relationship with God means something unique to them. But equally, it's also ironic in the sense that if faith were logical it would be easy, as you say, in the sense that it would mean the precise same thing to everyone. Where is the magic and mystery in that?
You might be interested in this piece I wrote touching on beauty: https://thebreakoutroom.substack.com/p/beauty-is-saving-the-world
Thank you for being so generous with your words - your analysis deepened the reader's understanding of what can be a complex subject.
Hey. Unlike many comments sharing they feel like you spoke their inside voices and feelings out, (meaning they’re on a similar time stamp to you) — I always feel five steps behind. I’ve listened to you for years, somehow the IG algorithm shared your profile with mine, and I was hooked. The things you spoke about or knew about, or were doing, is/was always what I am exploring in the now — like you’ve done them and then I start them and your voice is a more experienced one guiding and resonating with my life. I also came up with my publication name “The Coffee Table Diaries” at a very similar time to you changing to PK diaries, which bothered me a bit, as I’m a follower of yours with no followers of my own (haha, hand me the violin darl) — worried someone may think I’d taken your idea — but it’s never a copy — it’s a bizarre coincidence that I’m doing it and then I read you’ve done it — which I find fascinating. Now in regards to this essay specifically!! I can’t say I’m on the same path… this one is perhaps years backward not only five steps… but, God is presenting to me… and I am very bloody open-minded to searching and welcoming and relaxing into the … truth? I don’t know yet. I’m living in Eastern Europe married a gorgeous Romanian man, and was even baptised for this reason at the age of 33 (but during the process, I swore I was a witch and everything felt untrue, most likely I was *not* in a good place and with people with pure intentions/lots of egos and show)… now I’m almost 37, almost with three children, and essays like yours are drawing me in, while simultaneously downloading books about patriarchy and the untold truths of Christianity. Ha! As I said. I have a long way to explore. Sending all my love PETA. You’re a true blue and although I believe we are the same age I do read from admiration and wonder, “How does she always get there first” — the ego comparing — but it’s wonderful and I’d better trot off now because you definitely don’t have time for comments as long as this 🤣Ally xx
Hi Ally!! I don’t know if you’re behind at all… there is no linear path. You will resonate with bits of others journeys but never walk them exactly the same way. You are right beside me but in your own walk. I’m grateful you are here ❤️ also, I love Eastern European people. The directness of the culture feels like home to me as an Aussie xx
Interesting that you love it! Great. I so struggled with the directness and initially quite disliked the people
…but now five years in, I have changed radically and am even direct with my own family (my mother being English) — and they’re a little put off by my new found “let’s leave the BS at the door and talk straight” attitude. But I love being exposed to this very opposing culture. It’s made me realise there are other ways to exist and operate, and us westerners certainly don’t have it all figured out. God brought me here for many, many reasons. Have a lovely week and thanks for your comment and essays. Ally
Thank you Peta. Your words have stirred something deep inside that I can now explore further. My only memories of any sort of religious teachings was a few visits to Sunday school. Since then I have never really though about Jesus's until recently (last 6 months ors so) where I have been questioning "I feel there is something more" than the world I see. I don't know where to start but feel I want to get to know Him and have the presence of Him in my life. Thank you for being so honest and open about your faith, as it has allowed me to be open to exploring my faith for the first time.
I am soooo glad Jacinta 🙏🏽 and thank you for the beautiful words. Start with prayer. Then the New Testament of the Bible. God will put people and words and things to read and watch in your path. Keep in touch with it all ❤️
Peta, this was such a wonderful read. I love your discussion about logic. I was raised a nondenominational Christian but wrestled with my faith and need for the Church (never God) in my 20’s. I found myself looking to the Self Help Movement, New Age teachers, a yoga practice and community and everyone/everything else but The Church. As a mother to two (3&6), we’ve found a Church here in TN that’s been transformational in all of our lives. Our Pastor is an Aussie actually and has a fantastic sense of humor (Church of The City, Franklin TN).
I’ve been curious about your thoughts regarding the many people who are publicly deconstructing (or, distancing themselves from Christ).
Thank you for the beautiful and vulnerable peak into your thoughts.
hi Rebecca! So nice to see you here!! Did you recently move to TN? Why did I think you were in Cali? Love that you’ve found a church home. It’s such a sweet grounding.