Success made me too comfortable. I became a 'moody' creative. Here's how I stopped sabotaging and started growing again.

PURE GOLD about how to become someone new, to go somewhere new.

We all have ways we subtly sabotage.

When I say it’s SUBTLE it’s because you probably don’t even notice it until someone points it out in a very direct way. Like a weird lady over in Australia maybe.

For those of us who have had big success early in our lives and then built a beautiful life from it, we can become really comfortable.

You know? I have felt this a lot in the last few years.

I’m comfy. I’m in the most precious days with my young kids. I can be home with them without the craziness of the online world. I have what I need.

So, do I really need to do that uncomfortable thing to grow? I mean, the comfort zone is soooooo nice and cozy and full of expensive french linen.

Here’s what I’ve learned:

When my back is not up against the wall like it once was, I create when I feel like it, when I’m in the mood, when it works around the kids, when I’m not premenstrual or in week one of my period, when people on the internet aren’t ticking me off, or only when i’m in a surge.

I am comfortable ok don’t disturb me. I have admittedly written and published 5 books in this space and done a lot of good creative work BUT….

I wouldn’t say I was really stretched creatively.

What motivation do I have to sit and write if I don’t feel like it? I’ve got three kids at home… I don’t need internet hoo haa it in this season.

BUT here is where i get honest and here is where a lot of us ‘high success turned devoted mothers who are still so creatively alive and a little bit turbo’ have to get honest with ourselves (because it will free us)….

I want to have creative goals again.

I wanna be in creative momentum again.

You might too.

I want to say this to you and to me: No matter how comfortable you are or what success you’ve had in previous seasons— you are allowed to be fuelled by new creative goals and financial goals. You are allowed to go again.

I would argue that it’s actually tricky to really feel on fire without an exciting goal that will stretch you.

You will feel on fire for a moment but then the fire will go out because there is no goal to sustain you— you stay in moody creativity. Posting with no real intention or direction.

I would argue too that when we are not locked in with GOOD drama, like our life giving creative outlet and exciting goals, we will get lost in BAD drama— gossip, scrolling, consuming.

Sometimes, we think a creative goal will make us distracted for our kids, meanwhile we’re scrolling and consuming and becoming more tired and impatient.

The right creative outlet is life giving for a mother and her home.

Take the permission you need— i know you wont get caught up in pursuits that are not life giving. You’re too self aware for that.

What I realised, was that my unwillingness to get ‘outside my comfort zone like the old days’ is NOT a match for the goals I have.

Read that again ^

This is the incongruence many of us are experiencing when we have super comfy lives AND we want to feel on fire again.

Ya feel me?

We need to find new motivators. We need to get in touch with what’s really driving us in our work now. Otherwise we WILL work in a way that’s very dependent on mood.

And mood does not produce momentum.

Especially when you’re as moody as us gals ;)

We’re also very self aware, I know you are too.

What happens too is something you may know well— If you’re anything like me, you might get on a roll creatively and then feel a little too exposed, or maybe the amount of eyes on your work overwhelms you and even threatens you…

So you hide.

You take a break.

Besides, it’s day 22 of your cycle you deserve it.

Perhaps it’s true that it’s time to take a break.

Perhaps it’s a pattern of GO and then STOP.

Look, I am not at all negating the very real way we can perceive nervous system threats in our bodies when we feel exposed or vulnerable. I have had to work through this personally too.

When I first started sharing online all those years ago I received a lot of public pile ons and at times, I felt unsafe being out in my home town. So whenever I said something controversial, and there was a pile on, I’d feel physically unsafe, not just emotionally.

I won’t claim to be able to help anyone through that wth this post but maybe noticing it is the beginning to addressing it.

There are many ways we hide, or sabotage when what we really want is to grow, gain momentum, be on fire, go somewhere new.

The more self aware we are, the sneaker and cheekier these mechanisms become.

In HD I am a manifestor which means my energy type works in surges. I have enormous energy surges and then need periods of rest and retreat (like please pretend I don’t exist on the internet at all during these moments). This is very true about myself and I felt very validated when I started to learn about my human design all those years ago. Still do!!!

I am NOT knocking HD at all- I hope that’s abundantly clear. I believe it’s a very useful insight and has changed peoples lives in beautiful ways. I have many friends who are OG’s in the space, like Jenna Zoe who I adore.

What I am saying as well is this…

Sometimes, we can use it as an excuse.

I know I have.

I have hidden behind ‘oh this surge and rest is just who I am’ as a convenient excuse to not go to that next, slightly uncomfortable place.

Truth is, when I was building my first biz in NWM, and when I was writing my first book, before I knew anything about HD, I worked consistently for years— no rests, Never taking breaks. I was so lit up and on fire and on a mission, I didn’t need to. I also did not have children so…. Turbo mode could be engaged full time without any real consequences.

I didn’t know about it so I just did my thing.

Same is true of my prior naivety around my menstrual cycle.

Before I became so attuned to my menstrual cycle and understood all of the seasons within the month, I rarely felt any dips in energy before my period began. Nothing noticeable anyway.

I have since loved learning about my menstrual cycle because, it’s marvellous. Natural. Magical. I love being cyclical. I love the changes in season we experience each month.

I started trying to schedule photo shoots etc for ovulation (obviously!!) and would be totally ok with writing less when my energy slumped (I have a home to run too).

I’d try to avoid launching anything in the premenstrual week… so that I could be light and joyful like WOOHOOOOOO and not premenstrual like HERES WHAT I MADE BI*CHES.

But also? sometimes I would use it as an excuse. ‘Ahh, it’s the week before my period… no wonder I can’t be bothered.’

It’s almost like I went from observing my menstrual cycle in all of its glorious seasons, to training my creativity to obey it.

The truth is though some of my best work has been done in the days before my period when my inhibition has gone and I am there in the spiciness of ‘I’m gonna say it and IDGAF’.

Some of my best work has been done in the first week of my period when I was soft, a little tired and tender and could say what I wanted to say without so much edge or sharpness.

Sometimes, I was expecting to be so on fire during my ovulation and so I put so much pressure on myself to get all the work done and yet… I couldn’t find the words. The words instead came around day 25 when I was expecting to be incognito and logged out of social media completely…

I mean the premenstrual week combined with a manifestors rest phase is a strong combo— I want to delete my entire existence from the internet.

While I honoured the nature of my cycle, and also the nature of my unique design (yes, I do believe it’s real)… I realised that sometimes I was leaning a littttttle too hard on them as excuses, when the reality was?

I was scared of exposure. I was scared of momentum.

It was uncomfortable to go somewhere new when I was SO COMFORTABLE where I was.

Maybe you can resonate with this— you find yourself sabotaging your momentum in sneaky ways, so subtle that you barely notice them.

Some other ways we sabotage that are subtle:

(I address these way more in my 3 hour class, Territory. That one is super good if you want to own your creative direction again and stop the to and fro in your head).

You might get really on a roll and then OOP! You start scrolling… too much scrolling. The loud and relentless cultural noises make you so internally confused that it paralyses you. You second guess what you were gonna say.

Better stop and think some more, you tell yourself.

Safer.

You might let your humility become a chokehold. When you start to gain traction, you tell yourself you’re not someone who needs any of this. You’re too good a person to have a big audience.

It’s my integrity keeping me here, you tell yourself.

You might use relentless researching and courses to keep you from actually doing the thing you know you need to do.

I’ve got more to learn first, you tell yourself.

You might tell yourself you are better mum than all of those other women who are online.

It’s because i’m a good mum, you tell yourself.

You might tell yourself you are waiting on the voice of God to give you the nod that you can go after your creative desires…. (Forgetting that God is the one who gave them to you).

I might be wrong with my direction… you tell yourself.

Whether it’s your menstrual cycle, your HD, astrology, or another sneaky little excuse that is not actually true…

If you are stop-start-stop-start with your creative life and you are NOT ok with it?

You can honour your nature, your design, your cycles and the waves of life while still going somewhere new — a new rhythm, a new discipline that allows you the momentum you actually, really want.

So let’s get into the GOODS!!!

Here’s what I am personally doing to go somewhere new in my creative success!! To stop being such a moody bish, all comfy and cozy, and to stretch again.

It’s my own behind-the-scenes coupled with straight up pep talks for you.

Ya ready??