I Read the Liz Gilbert Book.

Thoughts on Honesty, Integrity and the Bubble That's Bursting.

I just read Elizabeth Gilbert’s newest book— All The Way To The River.

It’s not usually a book I’d choose.

I am no Liz Gilbert superfan, but I don’t dislike her either. I don’t track her work or her life closely. I don’t subscribe to her Substack. I don’t follow her on Instagram. I did love Big Magic though. I respect her as a writer. She’s intelligent, funny and super honest.

Gosh I love me some super-honest, and I’ve not read much that is more honest than her recent book.

I’m glad I grabbed it off the shelf.

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I was walking around an enormous Barnes & Noble here in South Florida with two of my kids.

(To catch you up if you missed it, we’re in the states for now, after two weeks in Japan).

My youngest, Figgy (2), is one of those kids who will happily walk off and do her own thing— whether at a park, or in an enormous book store. She doesn’t need you to be close. You cannot threaten her with ‘Ok Figgy I’m leaving!’. She’ll say ‘ok bye!’. She is miss independent, but also still on the boob what feels like 24/7.

As I perused the books, ready for a new gripping novel I could have in my handbag and reach for on our travels instead of my phone (my eldest daughter has called me out on it lately, a post for another day), I was overwhelmed.

There are so many books. Are there more books than ever right now? Does anyone else get sweaty palms while strolling a book store with the mounting pressure of choosing something that will be good— world expanding— eye opening— inspiring— worth it?

I do. I was looking for something specific— an autobiography or biography detailing the life of a creative woman in her late 30’s early 40’s. I am in a place of wanting to do something new creatively and I have too many ideas.

Most of the books I picked up, flipped over to read the blurb, detailed a story of a) a broken family b) a divorce or an affair c) woke themes of which I wasn’t personally looking for. I mean, what’s the danger in a book about a family with a mum and a dad who actually stay together for decades? Naturally, I gravitate to the classics for this reason.

While regularly calling out ‘FIGGY!’ to make sure my youngest hadn’t raced out the front doors, I realised I couldn’t take my time. I had to pick one and pick one fast. I had to go on vibes. Not blurbs.

I chose three books— one about Coco Chanel and her true story— rebuilding Chanel in her 70’s after something to do with the war (haven’t read it yet!), as well as a classic on The Subconscious Mind that I’d read before, and Elizabeth Gilbert’s new one.

Out of my loot of three, I chose Gilbert’s to start with. I read it in two days— firstly because we are travelling and I wanted to read it quick so I didn’t have to travel with another heavy hardcover. But also — it was hard to put down. I read it in the car as we drove thirty minutes to Palm Beach, I read it right after the kids fell asleep, I read it while the kids were cosying up with their show.

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What I’m about to write is not a review.

What I’m about to write is not a character probe.

I want to share what stirred in me after reading it.

The book was brutally honest. I have so much respect for honesty. I love the language of saying exactly-how-it-is. Not many people actually do this, by the way.

Our generation has become so obsessed with the idea of authenticity that even authenticity itself has become something that is often performed. People start sentences by saying ‘can I be real with you?’ or ‘if I’m being honest’ — and usually what follows is a watered down or hyper polished version of what is nakedly true.

If you want to read full reviews of the book, go and search online. I don’t want to give spoilers here in case you want to read it. But she revealed many crevices of her own darkness— to the extreme of admitting that she planned to murder her partner. Not in a ‘haha’ kind of way but in a ‘no I actually planned it’ way.

While I can empathise with her desperation, it’s also really f***ed up to plan to kill someone. And you can’t ignore that just because she is honest. You can’t say ‘wow that was so brave to share’ while ignoring what was actually shared.

You can't idolise honesty so much that you justify a lot of really shitty behaviours.

“Yeh but they were honest!” They were also planning to kill someone, Linda.

We have to be careful what and who we idolise, because in holding someone or something up on a pedestal, it takes a lot of muscle and energy. We have very little left for critical thinking, or changing our mind, or courage, or discipline.

For me, the 'I planned to kill her' admission was pretty shocking, but runner up were Gilbert's admissions of how much she used people. How she manipulated them— including her partner who was dying of cancer. That she destroyed others' marriages. These are pretty big admissions for someone who millions of women look up to as someone who has their sh*t together.

This is what Liz Gilbert’s latest memoir stirred in me— you can never pedestal anyone. No matter how spiritual, or successful, or articulate, because you don’t know them. Most of the time you’ll never know about others demons. But Liz Gilbert told us all about hers.

Leaders in the self-help world are looked to with the hope that they are clean and clear in the areas most people are not. But most of them are just great at marketing. Great at positioning. And yes, great at manipulating. Especially those who are the most self-proclaimed ‘LoVe And LiGht.’

Integrity is private. It’s not rewarded publicly. Performance is. Integrity is like motherhood in that you don’t do it for grand applause. You don’t see the fruits of it for many years. You might never be seen for the way you stood straight, the micro moments of self sacrifice when the animal in you wanted to self indulge.

This is why you cannot pedestal anyone you only know through their carefully curated public work.

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Last night we were at dinner in Palm Beach. The kids were running around to the live music and we were constantly entertained by how many dogs were being pushed around in prams. WHAT?!

I said to my husband— I don’t feel like I could write a memoir as honestly as I’d like to right now, because most people I’d want to write about are still alive, and I just wouldn’t do that to them.

Does that mean I can’t write honestly and authentically? No. But do I need to reveal every crevice of my life in order to be a high integrity person in my space? Also no.

This is the message I want to share.

Honesty is a virtue. Human storytelling is so incredibly valuable, especially in the world of AI slop. But privacy and dignity are virtues too.

Don’t fall into either of these two traps:

a) Thinking you have to overshare in order to be honest and authentic.

b) Assuming you know the true inner workings of the mind and life of those you revere online.

As a stranger, I cannot expect complete honesty about every area of someone else’s life. Neither can you, as a reader here, expect to know the complete picture of everything in mine. I won’t share it with you. Not because I am inauthentic, but because I respect the dignity of others in my life— whose stories would need to be told in order for me to share.

Some people get the idea that to be authentic and honest means you reveal all. It doesn’t. It means you tell the truth about what you choose to share.

What IS required of us is integrity— not pretending to be someone we are not.

I am not here to judge Elizabeth Gilbert. None of us are perfect humans. I respect her brave honesty, especially in the face of public criticism — but that’s it. I don’t need to invest any more into a deeper opinion.

What I am noticing though is something many of us have been watching happen for YEARS…..

The bubble is bursting — the self-help, spirituality, personal growth bubble. The people who have been ‘the guiding lights’ for years or decades are being seen for the regular people they are. And more than that — some of them are being revealed as people you don’t want to be taking instruction from.

Which brings us back, once again, to what Jesus came to tell us.

The Kingdom of God is within you.

Lotsa love,

PK.

My newest book (It’s the most beautiful book ever about life beyond wellness obsession) is here. XX