This is my husband to a T ! People don’t know what to do with him (at first) but after time, realize he is one of the most loyal and high integrity persons they will meet. When we were first dating, it was hard to adapt to someone who wasn’t doing the golden retriever bit, or saying what you want to hear, or sugar coating everything like I had been accustomed to. But now, I know exactly where I stand with him at all times, I can trust what he says and that provides so much security and peace between us.
This! 🔥 I’m learning from my husband how to do this well. I feel so safe in my relationship with him because I know he will be honest and consistent with me. I never have to guess if he’s being genuine or just “nice” to me.
This really nails the quiet difference between kindness and performance—how integrity isn’t smooth or crowd-pleasing, but grounded, trustworthy, and alive. I love the way you frame “nice” as something that can actually erode truth and vitality, especially for women who’ve been trained to self-abandon for harmony. The throughline—from creative control, to salt-of-the-earth honesty, to the cost of people-pleasing—feels deeply embodied rather than theoretical, and it names why direct, rooted people feel safer to stand next to. If this reflection on integrity, self-respect, and dropping the performance resonates, you might really enjoy this piece too, which explores similar territory around truth, presence, and living without self-betrayal: https://substack.com/@theeternalnowmm/note/c-206881698?r=71z4jh&utm_source=notes-share-action&utm_medium=web
Yes yes yes! I struggled with people pleasing & chronic illness for years. But once I took my life into my own hands, I found that there was a lot of narcissism in my life & those around me (work, r’ships, family)… and it’s been a journey, but healing and changing has allowed me to be more discerning and in integrity with myself + my own values, and as a result I’ve found less and less of these dynamics present in my life. I’m still my genuinely kind self, but not always just ‘nice’
Hey Dianna thanks for reaching out.. my journey was a lot like PETA in as I was in the new age spiritual … saved, then deep dive in church history up to the Martin Luther 95 thesis thought maybe a Lutheran for a few weeks 🤪 then the great schism more reading found book Rock and Sand by father Trenham!
Love this!! This really resonated with me. I’ve struggled with this a lot in terms of being the family member who will say what you need to hear instead of telling you what you want to hear and it has, unfortunately, cost me relationships. This has definitely encouraged me not to people please to “keep the peace”, but to also be salt and light.
//Women are realising that ‘nice’ is vague, neutral, spineless and that you can be kind, generous, thoughtful, loving, caring, compassionate but also direct, firm, and unwavering where it matters.//
Yes, the key point here is remember to be firm where it matters and in situations where it is demanded and required.
Such a nice read! And I'm inspired by you for self-publishing your book. Love it. I am going that route with my books too. Why not?
Integrity and authenticity are deeply rooted values for me—maybe because I am Dutch? Haha.
If someone can't handle it, they have self-work to do.
I go against the expected and the mainstream when it comes to I&A in my business, work with clients, and socially with people in general, but also in my own creations. Doing things 'my way'.
I’ve been thinking a lot about integrity as a new mother longing for committed community connection with other mothers. I am struggling deeply with the empty space between what is expressed and what actually is lived and upheld. Part of integrity to me is allowing ones values to actually be embodied and not just spoken. Yes it has to do with how we express but it also has to do with our every day decisions that we make. Not just sticking to our values when it’s easy, convenient, and aesthetically pleasing. But also when it asks more of us, pushes our limits, and is requested of us on days when we are feeling closer to empty. What do you think?
This is my husband to a T ! People don’t know what to do with him (at first) but after time, realize he is one of the most loyal and high integrity persons they will meet. When we were first dating, it was hard to adapt to someone who wasn’t doing the golden retriever bit, or saying what you want to hear, or sugar coating everything like I had been accustomed to. But now, I know exactly where I stand with him at all times, I can trust what he says and that provides so much security and peace between us.
Love this Brit
authenticity and integrity are the new rich in this AI era.
and, i agree, i absolutely had to self-publish my books too.
can't wait to see the new booook! congrats x
Thanks gorge!! X
This! 🔥 I’m learning from my husband how to do this well. I feel so safe in my relationship with him because I know he will be honest and consistent with me. I never have to guess if he’s being genuine or just “nice” to me.
I 100% agree. Nowadays, non sugar coated communication is often perceived as an attack. It’s insane!
This really nails the quiet difference between kindness and performance—how integrity isn’t smooth or crowd-pleasing, but grounded, trustworthy, and alive. I love the way you frame “nice” as something that can actually erode truth and vitality, especially for women who’ve been trained to self-abandon for harmony. The throughline—from creative control, to salt-of-the-earth honesty, to the cost of people-pleasing—feels deeply embodied rather than theoretical, and it names why direct, rooted people feel safer to stand next to. If this reflection on integrity, self-respect, and dropping the performance resonates, you might really enjoy this piece too, which explores similar territory around truth, presence, and living without self-betrayal: https://substack.com/@theeternalnowmm/note/c-206881698?r=71z4jh&utm_source=notes-share-action&utm_medium=web
Yes yes yes! I struggled with people pleasing & chronic illness for years. But once I took my life into my own hands, I found that there was a lot of narcissism in my life & those around me (work, r’ships, family)… and it’s been a journey, but healing and changing has allowed me to be more discerning and in integrity with myself + my own values, and as a result I’ve found less and less of these dynamics present in my life. I’m still my genuinely kind self, but not always just ‘nice’
Thank you Peta🙏
My journey has led me to Eastern Orthodoxy and I continue to learn and grow🥰God Bless You
Welcome! Fellow Eastern Orthodox here.
Hey Dianna thanks for reaching out.. my journey was a lot like PETA in as I was in the new age spiritual … saved, then deep dive in church history up to the Martin Luther 95 thesis thought maybe a Lutheran for a few weeks 🤪 then the great schism more reading found book Rock and Sand by father Trenham!
Praise God We are home🙏
Love this!! This really resonated with me. I’ve struggled with this a lot in terms of being the family member who will say what you need to hear instead of telling you what you want to hear and it has, unfortunately, cost me relationships. This has definitely encouraged me not to people please to “keep the peace”, but to also be salt and light.
Amen Marissa!! Sweeping things under the rug ruins more relationships than open and honest dialogue. X
//Women are realising that ‘nice’ is vague, neutral, spineless and that you can be kind, generous, thoughtful, loving, caring, compassionate but also direct, firm, and unwavering where it matters.//
Yes, the key point here is remember to be firm where it matters and in situations where it is demanded and required.
Such a nice read! And I'm inspired by you for self-publishing your book. Love it. I am going that route with my books too. Why not?
Integrity and authenticity are deeply rooted values for me—maybe because I am Dutch? Haha.
If someone can't handle it, they have self-work to do.
I go against the expected and the mainstream when it comes to I&A in my business, work with clients, and socially with people in general, but also in my own creations. Doing things 'my way'.
And now, I am curious about your book.
I’ve been thinking a lot about integrity as a new mother longing for committed community connection with other mothers. I am struggling deeply with the empty space between what is expressed and what actually is lived and upheld. Part of integrity to me is allowing ones values to actually be embodied and not just spoken. Yes it has to do with how we express but it also has to do with our every day decisions that we make. Not just sticking to our values when it’s easy, convenient, and aesthetically pleasing. But also when it asks more of us, pushes our limits, and is requested of us on days when we are feeling closer to empty. What do you think?
Ooh I’m feeling all of this right now. There is always a wee nugget in your writing that gives me goosebumps. Thanks for sharing.
Aw, i'm glad Liz!