Free the content! A story and an update.

I remember a day back in October 2022.

I was on a one day intestinal cleanse. It’s an intestinal cleanse, sure, but it works on many levels. If you know you know.

I had just told my community that I was opening up The Bathhouse— A mentoring club where I could offer whatever wisdom I had inside this little’ ol mind, body, soul to any women who wanted it.

I had prepared the offering over a year prior— so it had been a long time coming. I had beautiful graphics, and it had a gorgeous energy about it. It was right. But, for whatever reasons (choose one of the many twists and turns in the creative process), I didn’t offer it.

I had the branding though.

I loved the name.

I didn’t want to not launch it.

So I did.

On the day it went out, women started to sign up.

But I felt sick.

Was it the fermented enzymes I was drinking to rid my intestines of mucus? No. My body lives for that kinda glorious evacuation (long time colonic gal here. I even have a little home set up).

It was a different kind of sick. A sick that says “Something isn’t right. I can’t offer this.”

Arrghhhhhhh!!! No!!!! What?!?!

I just launched it!!!

People have signed up!!

People have paid!!

It’s beautiful!

As soon as I hit the ‘go’ button, and people started to flow in, I felt burdened, heavy, and like I was not where I needed to be. It felt like I needed to be in the reality of it, to know that it wasn’t right (at least at the time).

Laying on my bed, tending to the growling of my belly (kids must’ve been playing outside or out with dad), I knew I had two choices— pretend the truth was different, or act now.  I messaged Michaela with an audio— Stop the button that lets people sign up. Refund in full all people who’ve already signed up. I’ll also stay available to them for the next month, just as a courtesy and sign of appreciation.

I then messaged the women in the space and explained. Of course, they got it.

This was around the time I was making sense of what was happening to me in my heart, too. Jesus was working on me and ripping veil after veil from my eyes. Things that used to be right, weren’t anymore. Things I used to do, I wouldn’t anymore. I was undergoing a renewal in so many ways and yet at the time, I couldn’t put those words to it. God was sanctifying me and He was incredibly sharp and stern in ensuring I knew which way was left and which way was right.

On this particular day, I knew that I simply wasn’t going that way anymore.

I needed to stop.

I needed to pay attention.

I needed to not cling to the old just because I didn’t know what was new.

I feel that same lesson repeating itself right now.

Pic by Wildfire Creative

I can feel so much newness swirling and yet the way in which to go isn’t as clear as I’d like. Sanctification is on God’s watch, not on ours and besides… I have three little kids at home, and a newborn! Do I need another thing to do, on top of caring for my family and my home, and writing sometimes? No. But do I feel God cooking something up in me?

Absolutely.

I’m like a bull to a red rag. When something is for me, I’ll chomp it down with 1000%.

That’s how I built the most incredible business in my early twenties.

Back then I trusted that sick feeling in my tummy as the authority. Our intuition is one way God speaks.

Now I can better identify God’s hand on things, especially when pursuing something that’s just not the way anymore.

Sometimes it sounds like the voice my husband gives to our dog when she’s on her way to tear up a sprinkler— A sharp ‘UH’.

Other times it sounds like the very subtle grunt a friend would give when I talk about something I’m about to do that’s not a good idea— like a ‘Mmmmm, not sure about that.’

Sometimes it just feels like I’ve taken a wrong turn— oops! No big deal.

The other day when I hit ‘go’ on re-offering a paid subscription on my Substack, I felt a similar feeling to that day in 2022. I tried to ignore it.

It’s just self sabotage.

I’m just confusing myself.

But I knew the right way to go.

I ran it by my husband who is the best sounding board— not only with significant business success, a business degree and leadership experience at Harvard… his reassurance is so valuable to me when I am overthinking (which is all the time). He is pro simplicity. He is pro enjoyment. He is also pro ‘the long game’.

I thought that returning to my Substack, I’d just slot right back into how it was before I took my baby break— you know— write weekly for paid subscribers and sometimes for free ones. I’d internally classify which posts went where.

When I tried to slot into that same dynamic, it felt different— not in a huge way, but in a very simple way.

For now I just want my Substack to be free. Wide. Simple. Enjoyable (for you and me).

VIVA LA LIBERAZIONE!!!

It’s really that simple.

Oh precious, elusive simplicity…

So, all that to say that again, I am pausing the paid subscriptions and just running on a wider, bountiful free subscription for the near future. You know the drill.

Those who are existing paid subscribers, you will continue to have access to the full archive of paid posts. For those who signed up monthly, your subscription will simply pause. Easy!!

For those of you who joined on the yearly subscription— you will also continue to have access to all paid archives. I am also happy to refund yearly subscribers, given the change. You can request this by emailing Michaela at programs@petakelly.com.

Thanks for being here! Let's have some fun here this year ;)

Love PK XX