Face taping, facial yoga, or botox?— Thoughts on beauty after 35.

There’s this lady at church. She must be in her 60’s. 

Every week when I see her I think ‘damn, nice outfit’ or ‘gosh she paired those earrings with those pants so nicely’ or ‘she always chooses such nice natural fibres’. 

She has short hair that she slicks back and has a face that just glows. It’s clear she hasn’t had work done, but it’s also clear that she takes care of herself— that look. 

My neighbour at our country property is the same. She’s in her forties and her hair is mostly grey— she is as natural as natural can be and she absolutely radiates. There is a light within her that beams through her face and it clears her skin better than any scrub or mask would. She is always generous and joyful (that’s not to say she doesn’t have her crap, but she’s got this light, you know?)— that look.

On the flip, I know women who have perfected their skincare regime, get every fancy treatment at the clinic, and although you could comment kindly on the texture of their skin or something else mechanical—  there’s not as much radiance, glow, light. The regime is so rigid and dependent on ‘outside things’ with much less focus on the parts of beauty that come from inside. I throw no shade here (with my postpartum melasma), I’m just observing. 

That’s the thing about beauty. You can have the most incredible skincare, at home devices and in clinic treatments and still without that glow. 

But also (and this one is for all my el natural, holistically minded ladies) you can cleanse your body, take care of your insides, have air purifiers in every room, live low tox, sleep on silk pillows, have saunas, sit in front of red light— and still not have that glow.

I read once that when people get too much work done on their faces, they’re harder to relate to and really feel, especially for kids. I mean, it makes sense— if our faces don’t move then we won’t see the expression that we’ve come to know as an important part of relating.

What is beneath this desire to stop the appearance of aging superficially?

Why do we want to pretend we’re not aging?

We’re all going to end up either three feet under or in an urn, you know. How much of it really matters?

I don’t ask these questions from a high horse, I ask them from a place of curiosity that’s in me. For me, it’s less about ‘looking younger’ and more about beauty. Beauty is innate for women— creating it, desiring it and being it.

I care about living a long and vital life, that’s for sure. My regime is low key but my standards for wellness are high. I’d love for my inner vibrancy to translate into me looking as amazing as I feel— but it’s the vitality and vibrancy I’m after. That’s the real gold. 

I want the beauty that comes from me feeling ALIVE. You know? 

That look. 

I’m a 35 year old (almost 36) woman and I have been surrounded in my life by women of all extremes. I am a part of crunchy, alternative, holistically minded natural mummas who have 1 step skincare routines. I also have friends who are more of the boujee wellness category— where they’ll avoid toxins but still do all the things for beauty (face taping, facial massage, cupping etc). I also have friends who do botox, filler and maybe a little zhuzh in the cheeks. 

I’d say I’m somewhere between the laid back ‘European’ natural vibe and the boujee wellness vibe. 

El natural, a touch boujee, reporting for duty.

For well over a decade I have lived the low tox life and it’s second nature for me. It’s low maintenance for me because it’s second nature but I’m sure to others it would appear high maintenance. 

When I moved to Scottsdale in 2015, my mother in law started inviting me to the skin clinic for fancy treatments. If you’ve seen my mother in law (many know of her), she is 72 but looks 50. She looks amazing. She is a combination of both taking incredible care of herself (stem cells, colonics, clean food!), and also getting high end treatments. She used to buy me gloves for driving around in the heat so my hands didn’t age in the sun. She is that level committed— I’m too much of a sun lover. My hands could do with a little more lovin’ that’s for sure, but it’s not something I lose sleep over.

My mum was and is a total sun lizard, has had zero work done, and is the opposite from my mother in law in this way. She has shaved her head my whole life and is bronzed and tattooed— beautiful in her Mediterranean skin and authenticity. So, it’s in my nature to be more ‘relaxed’ with my beauty regime.

Both women are beautiful to me.

Being in the public eye for so much of my twenties, going to large events, speaking on stages etc, of course I wanted to take care of my appearance. My main ammo was ozone colonics, eating well, getting regular chiro and massage. But I also did micro needling a few times and some thermage years ago. Those worked a treat. I’m just not sure they’re my ‘forever’ approach.

Here’s something I believe-- whether you’re taking a ‘non tox’ approach to wanting to age gracefully or a ‘I’ll take whatever the clinic has’ approach, or something in between like a ‘I’ll do facial massage and get some hyaluronic acid injections’— the desire is the same. The desire is a woman wanting to age gracefully, and look beautiful. No crime there. 

You might have noticed this too, but often there is a bit of ego in the ‘I take the natural approach’ category. You’ll often see people boast that ‘I’ve never had injections’ etc. But then that same person will still go and get treatments they consider ‘natural’. I recently saw someone who is proudly against botox, go and get an ab sculpting treatment done. 

What’s the difference in the intent? Both are trying to boost their appearance. 

Is the woman who takes the natural approach more noble even though she spends a lot of time and a lot of money on beautifying?

Is the woman who face tapes, facial massages, gua sha’s, cups, etc less vain than the woman who goes to the clinic for a little here and a little there? 

The ‘I prefer the natural approach’ can come with a boat load of arrogance in every realm— parenting, wellbeing and beauty (yeh, I’ve got a lot of writing on this in my notes). 

Woman who facial massage, face tape, cosmetic acupuncture etc (let’s call it boujee natural), are wanting a certain look, the same way women who go and get botox are. 

I’m firmly on the side of ‘el natural’ and yet I can still notice this. 

It is a preference for me to go the natural route, yet it doesn’t make me any better than my friends who pop to the clinic for a few jabs in the forehead. 

I recently got a palette expander— which wasn’t functionally necessary at all. I got it to optimise my bone structure given I am missing three teeth (two of which never grew as adult teeth), as well as optimise my airways and oxygen. For me, it’s all for the purpose of optimisation and vitality. I put in this plate at night and breathe like Darth Vader because feeling *even better* matters to me. I’ll do this, but I won’t inject my cheek with filler. I don’t spend less effort on beautifying the natural way. I may… I may just spend… more? Ah that’s a stretch. I don’t. But I do have high standards for wellbeing. We all have our things we do to feel our best. And when we feel our best, it affects so much in our lives. Just ask a mum who just had an ‘everything shower’. She is on another LEVEL after that. 

I want to age beautifully, so do those who go to cosmetic clinics. Our approaches are just different. 

Last year a friend of mine (a bush friend— in the ‘natural skin’ category), said to me ‘Gosh everyone is getting botox. Do you think you’ll be influenced to get it when you move up to the city?’. What she meant was, that where we lived in the countryside, the all natural look is prevalent and so that’s the standard— natural beauty. Wrinkles. Natural glows. Rub a bit of tallow on and you’ll be right. 

We went on to have a long chat about how it all just hits different when you’re over 35— loads of friends are getting it, loads of women are getting it, so when you don’t get it, you can tell. It takes a strong conviction and a true sense of peace to resist, especially when living in an area where it’s everywhere. 

I told her I wasn’t worried, and it was true— I wasn’t. 

Truth is, I’m still not. I’ve never been one to do something just because everyone else is. 

But there’s another truth that exists here— it’s a feminine urge to want to be beautiful, to glow, to radiate. I had this conversation with my husband yesterday, who is always lovingly affirming me in my naturalness in the moments I throw comments around like ‘you can tell I haven’t slept in a week’. He always tells me the reason he fell in love with me was because I wasn’t like all the girls who you wouldn’t recognise when they took their makeup off. I hope he doesn’t regret that decision when we’re 70 and my boobs touch the ground like long socks with marbles in them, but hey. 

I’m just that gal. I’ll do everything ‘the natural way’ unless I cannot (eg, my son needed a dose of antibiotics recently). I birthed my babies at home, declined most prenatal tests etc, used to board planes with epsom salts to harmonise the radiation and have to be searched at LAX (good times). You know, that’s me. 

I am ‘the all natural’ gal but I do not judge those who are not. 

When I lived in London 5 years ago I’d go and get facial massage at the face gym (gosh I loved it). Nothing like a good buccal massage. 

I’ve bought facial massage courses that I’ve done awfully at completing (I’m always ambitious at buying them around the time of small babies— which is probably because my sleep is worst and my wrinkles are showing).

I’ve got face tape that I sometimes use, but not always because I’m not yet that committed. 

I use super high quality skincare like this one, one of my faves, the famous face food. I use the Serum 3 or the X (start with the serum 1 and work your way up), and the cream DAILY in the morning (The link and code are at the bottom of the email if you want to try the boujee natural goodness for yourself). 

I also use a blend I make myself of castor oil, black seed oil, jojoba and franky oil. I’ll put tallow on (that my friend makes) some nights too. Castor oil literally does everything. Castor oil, bicarb and apple cider vinegar are like, the MVP’s of the crunchy mum world aren’t they?

I wear make up rarely, and when I do it’s minerals mixed with a lush Kakadu plum oil mix— the same one I’ve worn for about 12 years For reference, I use the Colours makeup mineral blend and the 369 Omega Oil mixed together.  (I just dug around and found a code in their site so you can get 30% off if you want it. It’s below too). 

I love the sun on my face (I need the sun on my face). 

It’s pretty chill. 

My skin has always been pretty good. I’ve never had breakouts except for one pimple around my period sometimes and I credit that to both genes and my lifestyle. I have some sun spots that don’t bother me, even though my skin obsessed friends like to point it out ‘I know a treatment for that!’. Back in the day I got it lifted with micro needling but my next approach is going to be a bicarb and castor oil mix I saw on Insta. In saying that, I’m in no rush. It doesn’t bother me (at least not right now). 

The most important factor in my skincare regime is taking consistently good care of myself, which I’m actually pretty good at. With three kids and many years of pregnancy, breastfeeding, several international moves and persistent interrupted sleep, I am solid in my foundations and have been for a long time. 

Exercise, clean environment, clean water, high quality food, cleansing (between pregnancies), colonics, sauna. 

I have my things, don’t you worry!! 

I am a bit of an aficionado when it comes to good wellness ‘tings. (Toot toot. By the way…. Are there any specific recommendations you’d love a post about?)

But all of these things still are not it. 

We are deluded if we think the most important ingredient for our beauty is cream, serum, or even a solid diet. 

Beauty is so much more… what’s the word… Rich? Divine? Deep? 

What I mean is that the roots of our beauty are in the soul. That is where the light flickers on and gives us glass skin. And even if we don’t get glass skin (because, are we really meant to have glass skin?) then we will still look beautiful. Wrinkles, lines, whatever- if the lights are on, beauty is there. 

Our beauty is what we are when we are at home in ourselves….

When we know, seek, and allow joy….

When we are less distracted by the plethora of temptations and focus on the true path God has laid out before us….

Living the right life for us— not someone else’s— that’s the fountain of youth. 

Letting joy in. Letting innocence return. Living more lightly in the heart. 

If you can’t afford the boujee potent plant serums, then some facial yoga, facial HIIT, facial gymnastics or any one of the other free forms of skincare can change your face too…

So can forgiving someone. 

Lightening up and letting go of constant wellness fear. 

Having a bit of fun, for once. 

A little discipline in the right areas.

More of those soul-enriching things that you have just momentarily forgotten. 

I wonder if our pregnancy glow is hormones or if it’s primal alignment with God’s design, our body delighting in a womb full of life. Do you ever wonder about this?

I used to always say that truth is our best beauty serum. I believe that remains true. Honesty, it beautifies. 

So does joy, peace, forgiveness, alignment, surrender. 

Our face changes when we put things down and stop carrying the weight of the world on our backs (because this then strains the sternocleido mastoid muscle which, if you’ve done any sort of facial massage work you know is THE beauty muscle). 

When we let go, we lighten and we beautify. 

This is what’s at the essence of the effective facial massage anyway— it’s letting go of tension, it’s the relaxation of muscles and the nice flow of lymph that allows our natural beauty to return. 

THIS is the look us ‘natural’ gals go for— the glow that is the one that comes with our natural vitality. The glow that comes when we are truly well, vital and alive. 

This is the glow I want.

I want this more than I want my forehead to appear wrinkle-less.

Wrinkles don’t bother me, a lack of vitality is what does. 

Vitality is the focus of my beauty regime. I want the face I have when I am alive, vibrant and well. 

I want the light inside to glow me up. 

You know? That look. 

We all want to be beautiful. 

We all want to age gracefully. 

Nobody wants to look older than they really are. 

We all take different approaches to this. 

There shall be no ‘el natural’ high horse around here. 

As I type this, I notice myself slumping. It reminds me of that posture program I saw on Instagram that is meant to, you guessed it, BEAUTIFY YOU AT THE SAME TIME! I’m probably going to buy it. It hooked me in line and sinker. 

Why is my algorithm like that?! 

Probably because I’m over 35 and yeh, I do care about beauty. 

I do, and that’s ok. 

But what I care about more is vitality, vibrancy, aliveness, peace and joy.

I’ll take the beauty that comes with that. 

That look. 

My kids are finally playing after interrupting me 12 times with ‘I’M BORED’ while I try to write this, so it’s time I go and play with them.  

Later, I’ll bounce on my rebounder with my head tilted up. Not only is the rebounder amazing for lymph, but it’s meant to sculpt the jawline too.

Lotsa love,

PK XX 

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